I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize
