The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
