And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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