I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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