Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
