Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
