My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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