hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
ok first of all what the fuck
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
