This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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