It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
