YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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