I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
