i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
