It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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