I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
