No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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