I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
