im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
