just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
someone owes me an orgasm
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
