Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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