I only kidnapped one of them. chill
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
