after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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