Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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