She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
