i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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