apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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