before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
