My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
