Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
