Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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