ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
