we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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