i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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