remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
