Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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