I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
