No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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