wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.