Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.