where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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