Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.

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(765): View more from Indiana

If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.

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27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Read it at the TFLN blog
(508): View more from Massachusetts

Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.

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(805): View more from California

Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate

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(856): View more from New Jersey

two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.

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(315): View more from New York

Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?

(716): View more from New York

It was tough but I powered through it.

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