so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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