And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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