White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
