Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
