Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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