How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My cat gives me a boner
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
