Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Green mimosas i think yes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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