My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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