shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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