so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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