I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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