Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
