I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
