i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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