I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize