Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
