She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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