His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he just fucked me for my cheese..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
