I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
