I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
