Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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