after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
